I have had many conversations recently with other mothers, both first time mothers and mothers of more than one child, and I find it striking how similar our concerns, worries and experiences seem to be. I said in a previous post (link here) that I thought a lot more could be said about mothers’ instinct when it comes to one’s own child, so here are a few more thoughts…
Rebuilding bridges
Recently I had an argument with someone very dear to me in our church. For me, it began as an intellectual argument over a point of principle (whether there is any place at all for Halloween celebrations within the church or, at the very least, within the life of a Christian, and what part these celebrations can and should play within the life of a child). However, it quickly acquired a dimension that went beyond the intellectual and engaged me to the very core, affecting me in more ways than I had anticipated, and which certainly went beyond the intellectual. I was so incensed that I felt I had to make my position clear in writing (see link here). Now, after thinking about it for a long time, I think there was a lot left to be said.
Why I will let my daughter go to a Halloween party
Today I had a fairly heated discussion with someone quite dear to me and whom, perhaps until this disagreement today, I respected greatly. The topic is a very seasonal one: Halloween, or more specifically, a party which the mums in the Girl’s class have decided to organise for our daughters. The way we see it, it will be an occasion for the girls to be together, get dressed up (what little girl doesn’t like to dress up?!?), have a little bit of party food, run around, and generally get themselves nicely tired so that we can all enjoy a peaceful evening afterwards. Halloween is only a pretext, and given that this is a dress-up holiday par excellence, and that it falls during the half term, it seemed a no brainer to us. After all, this is just a bunch of four year-olds who deserve to have a bit of fun, given how many hours they now spend in school each day, and how much they are made to work during term time.
Unfortunately, some people in our church take a very radical view to Halloween, associating it with all manner of things evil, darkness, witchcraft and danger, and vociferate against it as if this were one of the most pernicious ills of our world. Our innocent children’s party is tarred with the same brush and seen to fall in the same category. I find an accusation like this almost too outrageous to deserve a response, and yet, because I am a Christian, and because I find this radical form of belief hugely off-putting, and precisely the kind of hard-headedness that I used to loathe about Christianity before I turned to it, I feel I need to address it openly. Continue reading “Why I will let my daughter go to a Halloween party”
What I have learned from being a second time mum
Recently, I have made several new friends, mums of little babies the same age and smaller than the Boy. I am very happy about this, because I want the Boy to grow up having his own group of friends, I want him to be his own person, and not always be in his big sister’s limelight (wonderful as his big sister is…). Most of these new friends are first time mothers, and I am reminded so much of the time when the Girl was a little baby and I was going through very much the same struggles as they are.
Ultimately, we all go through the same struggles, the same joys and excitements, the same moments of wanting to tear our hair out (‘Why won’t you stop crying?!? Why can’t you just go to sleep?!? Why won’t you eat?!? What ON EARTH IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?) – and, through it all, I am sure of it, we all experience the same all-encompassing love that makes our whole person shatter from within and be made anew again and again. Life changes dramatically when you have a baby, your whole being is transformed, from woman you become mother, your priorities move to this little person who is outside yourself, yet feels so much a part of you, so connected to the innermost parts of your very being.
But, if I am really honest, life changes yet again once you become a mother for a second time (and, I should imagine, exponentially so the third, the fourth, or the however many, though this is certainly not something I am looking to try out for myself!). Soon after the Boy was born, I came to realise just how unfair life is: in order to enjoy motherhood fully and without gut-wrenching worry at every little thing, you need to have gone through it once and have a second child… but the trouble is, then you HAVE A SECOND CHILD, and that adds a whole new dimension to it all.
Here are a few things I have learned from being a second time mother and of which I try to remind myself, in the darkest moments of doubt and stress:
Continue reading “What I have learned from being a second time mum”
The end of an era
It has now been almost a full week since life as I used to know it was irremediably changed: with my post coming to an end on 30 September, I stopped being an academic, and I am quite confident that I will never be able to apply that label to myself ever again (nor am I sure I want to). Continue reading “The end of an era”
woodsofwhite 